So why 'Rivetcounter'?

Perhaps I can do no better to introduce the reason for, and one of the themes of, this new blog than by reproducing the text of an email I sent to my workmates last week - if I can share it with them, then surely I can share it with the internet.

Dear all

I'm writing to let you know that I have been assessed as having Asperger's Syndrome, a form of autism (in fact, since the standard American diagnostic manual was revised last year, Asperger's is no longer recognised as a separate diagnosis, but it's easier to continue to talk about it as most people have some idea of what it entails - in short, it is a form of autism without developmental or language difficulties).

It is not uncommon for Asperger's to be overlooked in women as we tend to become adept at masking it and developing coping strategies - indeed, it is only relatively recently (in the last couple of years) that it began to occur to me that this could be the basis of things I have struggled with for as long as I can remember. It was in fact reading students' support plans that initially pointed me in the right direction.

I had my assessment last November and then thought long and hard about being open about it in the office. I didn't want to look as if I was seeking special treatment or making excuses; and of course there was an element of concern around what effect disclosure might have on my career prospects. But this was ultimately outweighed by other factors. I see being autistic (and I prefer to describe myself with an adjective rather than as 'having a condition', and certainly not a 'disorder') as akin to being left handed: it's a difference from the norm which is not intrinsically problematic, but becomes so in a world designed and understood by and for the majority. Indeed, there are advantages which I bring to the workplace: attention to detail; commitment to accuracy, organisation, and an innovative approach to problem solving based on an ability to get to the heart of issues. I'm also calm in a crisis, because I don't pick up on other people's emotional reactions, and I have a strong awareness and understanding of the difficulties others - particularly students - with 'invisible disabilities' (not only autism) face.

Clearly this has had an impact on how I experience, react to, and am perceived in the workplace. Particular manifestations of AS that are relevant for me in this context include:

• Being uncomfortable with physical contact with and close physical proximity to other people
• Difficulty following a conversation when there are distractions or more than one person talking
• Need to focus on one task at a time - Aspies can't multi-task! Interruption can seriously disrupt my ability to get work done
• Inability to 'read' people's emotions through facial expressions or body language
• Tendency to take things literally; to want to get to the point, and an inability to engage in (or indeed understand the purpose of) 'small talk'
• Need for clarity if you want me to do something - I can't 'read between the lines' of what you are saying and find the hidden or obscured meaning. If you want something, ask directly!
• Limited capacity for socialising - I do like being social, and making friends, but I'm much more comfortable talking to people individually rather than socialising in large groups. If I need to deal with a lot of people, or for a long time, it's helpful to have a bit of quiet time and space to recover afterwards.
• Not always knowing the 'appropriate' way to react or tone to take in a given situation - I have to learn this through trial and error rather than picking it up instinctively. Yes, I can be blunt - because this is how I would prefer people to be with me, rather than beating about the bush. It takes a while to learn that not everyone appreciates this approach!

These may all become more of an issue at times of increased stress, especially around change, which is another thing we find difficult to deal with.

Autistic people are often described as lacking 'empathy' - and indeed, I don't have that superpower of being able to read your feelings in your face. But that doesn't mean I don't care about how you're feeling - I do. I might just need you to tell me when something's wrong. I may not react in a conventional way but I do want to help in the best way I can - which is more likely to be practical than emotional.

[Boss] and [Colleague] and the few other people I have spoken to already have been very supportive and understanding, and suggested that it might be helpful to me and the rest of the team if I am able to share this information with everyone, and in this way - hence this rather long email.  I would stress that I'm not being open because I'm looking for special treatment, but more to enable others to better understand me (and the way I react sometimes) and to get the best out of me. A secondary reason is to raise awareness more generally that Aspergers is something that affects women (contrary to popular belief) but is often not picked up in childhood for a number of reasons. If anyone would like to know more I have a few books I can lend, and will - of course - be happy to talk at great length about it!

Finally, apologies to any of you who have (particularly in the stressful times of the past) found me difficult to deal with because of this.

Very best

[Me]